Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Copy Edit #10

From Discover Magazine blog 80 Beats:

This piece beings with a run-on sentence, giving two examples of what did not happen. It then explains what did, but without anything to signal the change of flow. While a more dramatic shift might be called for, I chose a minimally invasive way to distance the second sentence from the first by reusing his first name.

Original:
He wasn’t late to the airport, he didn’t get lost in the terminal. He never made it into the terminal because he wouldn’t partake in either a whole body scan or a physical pat-down of his genitals.


Corrected:
He wasn’t late to the airport, and he didn’t get lost in the terminal. John never made it into the terminal because he wouldn’t partake in either a whole body scan or a physical pat-down of his genitals.

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